It's a sad day in the Goon Squad camp today. With the recent and tragic injury of Mr. Pińata Head in our last appearance against the Thunderhawks (where he forgot to keep breathing and fell upon Phil Weston, catching a nasty helmet spike under his ribs) the Goons Management have decided to let him go.
A favorite amongst the fans and team members alike, Mr. Head will be truly and sadly missed on the line of scrimmage and in the locker room. It is understood that Dickie Snapples is unconsolable and wrought with grief.
Bouf had the following comments: "Were losing a family member here. Mr. Pińata Head is a Divisional Champion, a veteran of two championship attempts, and a member of the Hoodlum's Dozen. He has been stalwart in his efforts to overcome his natural stupidity and had won us some tricky matches. I'm really sorry to se him go..."
On a good note however the Goons totally and completely embarrassed the Thunderhawks by shutting them out and injuring their best players. The 3-0 score is the best differential the Goons have managed this season, and against the biggest scoring threat in DivA. Little, if anything, stands in their way to the RotGut Invitational now!
- Bouf
Feb. 5th, 2009
Haters be Hatin'
The Goons have come under scrutiny for their recent play schedule, despite it being dictated by the opposition. It would seem that there are those who believe that bouf if attempting to glean some unfair advantage by playing opponents of a lesser calibre.
Tragically, it would seem necessary to remind the critics that recent games were welcomed by the Goons opponents, even insisted upon... Vocal commentators keen to smear bouf’s reputation need reminder that the course of the Goons game schedule had been set out before them rather than maliciously and cunningly formulated. The Haters need to stop Hatin’!
Both recent games against the monstrous Air Heads and the viscously cruel goblins of the Sin Bin Pylons were too close on the score board and without a little Orcish luck, could have easily ended in a draw. The Casualty Ratio on the other hand was very high in the Goon Squads favour. Biff Shatterjaws had a terrific match against the ogres (with many a whimpering snotling in his wake) and made a good showing against the Goblins too.
Now he seems set to take the “Rising Star Award” as there are few that stand a chance to catch him. Wether intentional or not, the Goons came out of these last two games looking pretty sweet. In the past, all the previous rising Stars, other than the insane Sumthn Sumthn Darkside, had their fair share of stunties under their thumb, but despite this the Goons Blitzer seems the most criticised. Biff has this to say…
“Point that microphone at me again and I’ll pull your arms off!”
Some say his surly attitude comes from the accusations that without his 6 stunty casualties in his last two appearances he couldn’t contend for the Award... Some say it’s because he hasn’t managed to attract a bounty on his head despite making a proper nuisance of himself...
Truth be told, he’s just a jerk!
- Bouf
Jan. 28th, 2009
A game of halves.
This game we all enjoy so much is funny… At the start of a game you can be on fire, but by the end you can look a right chump.
The Goons came on strong last night against Seven Deadly Sins. In the opening drive, two Chaos warriors were carted off to the injury bin and the Goons scored on defence with a Black Orc (in hopes of getting the poor soul some further advancement). Tragically, those were the last two casualties by the Squad for the night.
Another drive in the first half and the Goons managed to get the ball across the try line again, but it was getting costly. Two black Orcs were on the pine and didn’t look soon to return.
Then the cluster fudge that resembled the 2nd half came along. The Goons received but were blitzed by their opponents, and despite some desperate efforts could not mount anything that resembled teamwork or even an ineffective offence. Green monsters in white suits simply ran about tripping over each other and throwing them selves into the fists of their opponents. Even Biff, normally so fearsome, couldn’t manage a Knock out all game. Heck there wasn’t even a knock out inflicted in the whole 2nd half!
The Goons only just managed to keep the score 2-0 but that was more than a little luck on their part. With Ogres as their next opponent, and almost certainly Morg ‘n Thorg amongst their ranks, the depleted Goons may be in for a very awkward match!
All is not lost however, the Snotling Sensation “The Incredible Bulk” was quite inspired by the towering kill beast Vice and his Hat-Trick of casualties against the traditionally robust Goons. It seems that “The Bulk” just Got Bulkier!
- Bouf
Jan. 26th, 2009
Survived? Now Fight!
The Goon Squad came out of their competition against the Uncle Crusty's Circus WAY further ahead than any one would have bet, even the Goons! Although the Goons lost the fight 1-4, 2 of those casualties came in T16 injury time after the Goons clapped down a lucky game winner just before time run out. (And best of all, none of those injuries were worth worrying about)
“We went in with a plan, and it payed off perfectly!” Busta Rektum said after the match, “Da coach is back behind us and he’s got uz playen at our best”
I don’t think that anyone predicted three wins against the three heavy hitters of DivA, but that’s just the way it played out. Now the Goons settle into playing the Lower Value teams in the div. Next week they play off against Seven Deadly Sins and the week after they play a cross divisional match against their old rivals, Sin Bin Pylons (the only team outside DivA that isn’t new)
The Goons have also been challenged by the Air Heads. Although the match up is quite disparate, Bouf will likely accept.
“We need two games outside the division if I’m to get all eight games without doubling up… So I have to pick someone, and the Air Heads are the first to challenge me. I didn’t have to taunt them or anything! How could I refuse?”
After that The Goons will be looking for the Undead Grave Robbers and (assuming that the Devil’s Reject will summon the mustard) the cowardly Thunderhawks. It looks like a easy road for the Goons now that the Big Guns are out of the way, the only real threat of a loss comes from the Hawks, but this is blood bowl after all…
The Goon Squad and the Raiders alike were quick to point the blame at luck after their last bruising affair. The Goons, although victorious, didn’t exactly shine in their performance against the Norse. Although they brought the knuckle to the Frozen North, the injuries and knock outs were proportionately small. Many a pass effort was botched and the Goons customary flair for avoiding the injury box was simply not present. Biff Shatterjaws was off his game as well, after paralysing the Rookie Berzerker, Odinson, in the opening hit, he struggled to play an effective role in the rest of the match.
The Raiders, despite losing the match, played a real mixed performance as well. The Ulfwerners were extremely effective in confounding the Goons, Fenrisulfr just wouldn’t stay injured, but they failed many a key block, blitz or dodge. Most importantly, in this match the Raiders doubled the number of inflicted casualties that the Goons have ever suffered. In 19 previous matches, the Goons have never suffered more than 2 casualties, nor has any player been crippled.
Against the raiders however, not so lucky... After scoring the first TD of the match (while on defence) Brick “The Man” Manor was hit by a wayward axe that “found its way onto the pitch”, and he was nearly decapitated! Later, Harry “Muff” Merkin was hit hard in the back and needs some recovery time, if he can recover at all...
At the end of the day, the Goons managed a comfortable win despite getting bashed and gave as good as they got in the fight. Next up are the Cursed Crusties... The Goons don’t expect a pleasant day out and the plan is to play a strong defensive game rather than the strong offence, but if the opportunity arises to hammer the CDs back into the Circus, the Goons will jump on it... and Pile On!
- Bouf
Jan. 13th, 2009
Bloodletters get shattered
The Goons management went into the first game of the season fully aware of the impact it would have on the season. A loss would call to mind the dreadful final game of season three. It would leave the Squad 2 points behind a tough opponent. It would likely cripple the Goons chances of a midseason apearance, thus robbing them of their first goal. A win however could boost morale and charge the players up, her them off to a strong start!
Biff Shatterjaws heard the pregame speaches and threats. He listened closely as the importance of the game was spelled out. Then he took the pitch and killed a man almost as soon as the game started!
The lads rallied behind him and they played a strong game. They avoided injury and fought harder than their seasoned opponents, but it was Biff who was determined to pull this team, kicking and screaming, into season 4.
He killed George Foreman, scored a TD and hurt another player all in the first half... Then injured two more before the game was finished.
All said and done, the Goons finished the game 2-1 and controlled the pace of the match from begining to end. A solid start that can be repeated if they keep playing 'old time' bloodbowl. Next up are the Raiders and a win there will be a nice follow up to a season full of promise.
- Bouf
Jan. 6th, 2009
Much to Prove
The Goons have been given a second chance by chance itself!
After a simply embarrassing show in the season 3 finals, the Goon Squad were to be shelved as their frustrated coach looked at his previous season at the helm of a Slann team. The R'lyeh Summoners had made a successful offer to entice the coach away from the Orcs, but at the last minute, failed to pay bouf’s demanded salary.
The Goon Squad have gobbled up the Canuck coach’s contract with funds still spilling over from the lucrative merchandising rights sold during Season 3. Unfortunately, the Goons camp hasn’t settled since their last game. The lads know that they not only need to win back the fans, but the confidence of the coach as well. Dr. Maddvibe had this to say…
“Da Coach ain’t happy, he yells at uz more dan usual… and that’s a lot! Wez need to really out perform our previous season if wez gonna win ‘im back. Da coach and I have really not had much chance to wip the boyz inta shape, but the ladz still look great. We gonna show da coach dat wez da best. The Sums were good, but Green is the colour of my god too!”
~//~
The Goon Squad lines up for their first match of the season against the BABBL team with the highest Team Value on record, the Sharman's Bloodletters. Although a more hard fighten’ bunch of Thugs would be hard to find, the skill gap between the Squad and the Bloods is awfully wide. They’ll need to be on top of their game right from the opening whistle.
“I predict a Draw,” bouf said, “but if there is a team that stands a chance against the Bloods, Its Us!”
- Bouf
Nov. 11th, 2008
Goons step aside
A team known for their knack to ‘Stand Firm’ have decided to step aside for Season 4 of BABBL.
The Goons will not be retired, but will go on hiatus… When they return, beware.
- Bouf
Nov. 7th, 2008
Goons Shelved?
Talk about town remains focused on bouf and the future of the Goons. It would seem that Management at the R'lyeh Summoners have presented a tempting offer to big lug and thus far bouf has refused to comment to the press.
This is in itself bad news for Goons Fans, who had hoped that passion for Barging over opponents would be at fever pitch.
Both teams have had marked success in the league seasons, but choked in the run up to the semis. The Slann's unorthadox play style seems to be more attractive to spectators, but the reliable performance and endearing personalities of teh Goons would be dearly missed...
Stay tuned?
- Bouf
Oct. 28th, 2008
Goons… GONE!
Morale has never been so low… The Goons just Choked completely! The Muckrakers were up 3-0 before the end of the first half, due to the incompetence of the Goons Players. Specialists decided that the First round of the finals was the best time to fail everything. Each failure ended in a TD.
Even in the 2nd half, the Goons failed to compete easy passes (with Re-rolls) and only managed to claw their way back from a blow out to a respectable finish.
When asked about the match Bouf has this to say… “F*&K OFF!”
When Asked about the future of the team and if they would return in Season Four, Bouf said this… “Who F*&king cares?”
Regarding the future of the team, Dr. Maddvive had the following to say in post match interviews… “The Coach is pretty pissed… It doesn’t look good”
- Bouf
Oct. 24th, 2008
Oi, you Dummy!!!
SCORE! Touch down the ball! SCORE!
The Goons this week are guilty of everyone’s favourite past time. Smashing Elves! They got a little carried away and a runaway High elf managed to dispossess the goons of the winning TD, then some how managed to resist getting knocked down by a trio of Blitzers, to secure the tie.
Worse, the goons practically cleared the pitch but the elves resisted serious injury. At one entertaining point in the match, the Goons K/Oed one player, Injured another them barged three more off the pitch… all within a few seconds of each other! The high elves were completely out classed and were forced into desperate plays that had no hope of coming off.
This was the Goons last chance to show their stuff before the Season III finals. They managed a Solid performance and are definitely the division 2 champs. They have had a great year on the scoreboard, but lacking in real development, the Goons will be a little bit of an underdog amongst the other Big teams like the Good, Bad & Rotting, Redskulls or even Thunderhawks. Thunder Lizards play the same game the Goons do but have been better to develop. Bouf hopes that the Goons get another chance to defeat the Massive Lizards in the finals, after failing to do so in regulation.
- Bouf
Oct. 20th, 2008
Training Day
Who doesn’t love a game against Goblins? Coach Crazy Lenny drove the Green Zambonie through the Rockey Mountains on a personal mission to Goon the Goons (after his glorious success in Fisting the Fist) but the pylons were little more than a speed bump to the Rookie Orcs death machine! Bouf knows that his squad is still a little rough around the edges, as demonstrated by their first loss of the season, so he got the boys on track in the first of two games before the finals run.
Underused and untested Orc players were thrown screaming at the screaming Goblins and forced to perform or get chopped up into small chunks. Let the record show that perform they did! The Grubbing were thrashed from pillar to post and no less than four of the Goon have showed marked improvement in recent training sessions. There were a few times that were touch and go, but in the end, the Goons only showed another way that they are superior to Team Fist. (is there nothing these Orcs can’t do better than the Fist???)
Next up is the Maverick Renegades and this will be the last game for the Goons Late season. A win there should clinch the Goons a 2nd or 3rd seat in the league ladder and make it impossible for any Division B team to usurp the Goons from top spot. It looks as though the Goons will get ‘pick of the litter’ when starting their finals run and that high position will only assist in bringing the win home for the Goons, perhaps stopping the GB&R from getting their threepeat. For a Rookie Squad, the Goons look pretty good indeed to make a run at it… But will they make it?
- Bouf
Oct. 8th, 2008
The Dream is Ovah!
Last week we Denied the Lords and Bullied the Fist for a pair of nice wins… This week, after a week of chasing the Renegades, we were lined up against a coach the bouf has never beaten.
Now the Goon Squad have lost their first match against Thunder Lizards in a very tense, difficult match up. The Goons have failed to cause any real damage for yet another game and the Speed of the Lizards payed off for them in full. The Goons Defence failed, despite Herculean efforts, about mid way through the first. With a failed reception the Goons lost the time needed to tie it up. Then in the 2nd the Goons Troll, Mr. Pińata Head, sneezed up a handful of Maltesers and spent most of the 2nd half meticulously picking them up rather than obey orders. His lost presence completely stalled the Cage and a desperate breakaway was the Goons only chance… Unfortunately Busta Rektum was blitzed down and the tie (along with the undefeated streak) slipped through the Goons fingers.
The Goon Coach’s fatigue and frustration was as plain as the nose on his face… He was missing his heavy hitter and his captain, he was missing key injury opportunities, and worse he was missing the presence of his Troll. Morale has taken a hit, but perspective is needed. Master Sneek is a Good coach who had the skill to stall me in the first and the luck to capitalise on me in the 2nd. Our position in the finals is still solid. We should be able to maintain a ‘Third in the League’ standing and may still keep our position as DivB leader.
The taste of failure is strong though… and Bitter!
The Game started with some awful for the Goons… Brick “The Man” Manor seriously injured (requiring attention from the Apoth) just after the first whistle, Sweltering Heat, Missed Blitzed and failed Bock… It seemed that all was against the Goons this afternoon, but in true Canadian style, the Goon Squad got down to business and made a Herculean effort to get the ball in the end zone to tie up the game just as the half time whistle blew.
The second half didn’t shape up much better with the Lords getting a head start on the Knock outs thanks to the Mighty Zug and the Sweltering heat. Although stalled on many occasions, the Goons managed to get the ball touched down yet again to seal the deal on another Game. The Lords couldn’t mount any real significant defence and although effective, sadly not effective enough.
This also marked the first time the Goons were out “Casualtied”, After a lack lustre game against Salem's Lot hopes were high that the Goons would bounce back for this match, but it was not the case… If not for Biff Shatterjaws the Canucks would have been totally ineffective in the fight.
This will have to be rectified if the Goons are to stand a chance at the finals.
- Bouf
Sep. 22nd, 2008
Too Hard to Swallow
The Goon Squad had a tough game against a pestering opponent. The Vampires of Salem's Lot were in fine form against the Goons and hardly failed a single Blood Lust… more over, those that did fail were very kind to their Thralls and didn’t so much as knock one out. Luckily for the Goons, the Vampires failed to knock down players in key Blocks and Blitzes, despite near miraculous dodges and deeks through thick tackle coverage! The Squad didn’t have the trouble knocking players down, but had heaps of trouble injuring them!
Not but two or three knock outs were inflicted all game??? The Goon Squad isn’t used to being in that position.
The Vamps bit off more than they could chew however, and the Goons prove that they deserve to be on the top of the division.
The Lot managed a TD on the night, ending the Canucks Shut out streak at Six games, but the final score was once again in the Goons favour and their undefeated reign continues with their 12th game outside the loss column. 5 games to go until the end of regulation and the Goons have the Maverick Renegades in their sights and hopefully the Arthelium Hustlers will accept a challenge soon… But first the Squad must face the dreaded DivB powerhouse, Team Fist. A beating there could spell the end of the Goons shot at the finals…
Just ask Breadfan.
- Bouf
Sep. 9th, 2008
Lofty Target
Bouf has set the Goon Squad a new Goal… Be the first Undefeated team to win the BABBL Bowl. The Goon Squad can break the existing 20 game Undefeated streak if he can make it all the way to the BABBL finals and take home the win. The Goons have just sealed the deal on their 11th game by utterly annihilating the Sanguine Lords of Gilead in a devastating match. Brick “The Man” Manor single handedly ended the Lords chances for a late season Shine by killing both their Scoring sensations Jake Chambers and Season One Star Playing Catcher Cuthbert Allgood late in the 2nd half.
Coach Breadfan had some trash to talk before the game (boastfully predicting a 3-1 or 4-1 win over the Canucks) but is now licking the horrid wounds that will likely see the Lords out of the running and denying Throwing Legend Roland Deschain his coveted championship ring.
This marks the sixth consecutive Goons match where their end zone has been successfully defended.
With the ‘Hot-and-Cold’ Vampires as their next opponent, and the two division B elf teams still in the Goons way, this goal is going to he very hard to reach. Even if they can get through the regular season, can the Rookie Goons make it through their first Play-off race undefeated? Will they be able to compete against the Season One & Two veterans???
Only time will tell, and hopes are as high as the targets in the Goons Camp after a fine win against a tough opponent.
- Bouf
Aug. 30th, 2008
Dr. Maddvibe makes good on Vow
Dr. Maddvibe vowed that the Goons would protect their undefeated streak, and he personally led the charge into the RotGut dungeon, making a mockery of the Thunder Lizards best laied plans and foiling the efforts of star Wardancer Gracilis. The Squad came close and had a real chance to clap it down, but the focused attention of the thee other teams was too great for the rookie orcs.
All in all, the Goon Squad made a good showing. They went through uninjured and undefeated, had a real effect on the match, killed an opponent and even had a great chance of getting a point.
Best of all, they have kicked off a real rivalry with the Thunder Lizards. And to help things along, The Squad has placed a 20,000 bounty on Huanhex
- Bouf
Aug. 29th, 2008
Captaincy Announced
Dr. Maddvibe has been stellar in his BABBL career… Leading by example, He had scored the Goons First ever TD and also racked up a casualty hat trick so far in only eight games. A solid Power Forward, he is right at home in his usual place in the wide zone. Wether it be Bottling up the Opposition, Protecting Ball Carries or running the TDs into the end zone, ‘The Doctor’ has brought his unique style to bear each and every game.
He is also a solid tactician, making sure he gets into an effective position and remaining there, causing Turnovers and Misery as one of the Games best defensive Blitzing threats. He takes it upon his mighty shoulders to coordinate the Boyz on the pitch, keeping a keen ear to the orders of his Head coach on the sideline. Maddvibe takes every TD scored against the Goons personally and often leads Practice drills, long after the regular session has ended, to correct the faults that allowed this inexcusable dishonour to occur.
Now with the Capitan mantle, Dr. Maddvibe has Vowed to continue the Goons Undefeated streak through the RotGut Invitational III.
Last night he had this to say… “I Vow to continue the Goons Undefeated streak through the RotGut Invitational III”.
- Bouf
Aug. 14th, 2008
Division B Leaders
The Goon Squad has defeated Team Fist in an exciting and tense match up that showed the Canucks had more punch than the Fist.
Team Fist were in a ‘Must Win’ situation and the pressure got to them. They developed some bad habits before the match and even with a rousing Team Anthem in the hearts of the humongous crowd, a season record, they just couldn’t keep focused. Each mistake was compounded by the fear of failure and when the Goons started to succeed, that fear turned into flat out terror!
The Goons had the help of Urgorth and Varag the pair stars made their presence known. Varag managed a casualty and Urgorth ran wild, lowering his chainsaw on many a downed player! The Goons came out ahead after the first (while on defence) both with an unanswered TD and with Two Casualties to the Fist’s One.
But the talk of the town remains the halftime chat in the Goon Squad locker room. The Team Fist head coach, Parabola, has gone so far as to accuse the Goons support staff of handing out horseshoes and black-jacks because the Goons knocked out two players on the opening whistle, and knocked out another 5 before the drive ended in another Goons Touch Down!
Bouf had this to say: “We knew that the Fist had to win, and went in with the hopes of getting a tie. I’m very happy with the Boyz and they really out performed their opponents this week despite being an extreme underdog.
“Not only did we keep the Fist winless, we shut them out and managed Two unequalled points. It also deserved mention that we are the only team to have inflicted any lasting damage to the Fist this season, and we also are one of only two teams all season to go undefeated up to the MidSeason invitational.
“All eyes are on the Dungeon now and we will go thorgh some special training in the lead up."
- Bouf
Aug. 11th, 2008
Pressure is on
But The Goon Squad is not the team feeling the pinch. It’s Team Fist that is under scrutiny for tomorrows game. Bouf had this to say as an explanation
“The Goon Squad is right where it wants to be. The Fist have failed to out perform us this season and have left themselves in the hole… so to speak…
“The Boyz may be outclassed by the calibre of opponent they face but the quality of our win record is what the Fist have to compete with on the day, not the quality of our team. They are in a ‘MUST WIN’ situation and need to come out on top to beat us to the dungeon. Worse than that… We know it. The Squad will be playing for a tie. Our focus in training has been on defence and forced errors.
“If we can get an early lead, the Fist will really struggle to slow our momentum and will need to score a pair of unanswered points. If the Fist gain the lead, the Goons only need to score one in return to win the division. Parabola has only beaten me as a coach on two or three occasions and I don’t see this being his fourth. Even if he wins, the Elves arer poised to knock him out of the running anyways!
“I think it’s safe to say that this match will be won by the apothecary this week. The team that resists injury the most will come out on top. Although the Fist seem better at dealing it out, The Goon Squad are the best there is at Enforcing, Fighting, Protecting and Caging... We’re going to put on quite a show and I think that the Fans (and Para himself) are in for a surprise!”
- Bouf
Aug. 5th, 2008
How frustrating was that
Those Goblins may not have won the match but they were laughing at us! The Goon Black Orcs all needed a single Casualty to shake off the ‘Rookie’ mantle, but despite getting additional assists on the block and more than doubling the Strength of their opponents, knock downs were rare against the giggling Pylons. Even when they were caught and pummelled, they resisted injury… They even goaded on their attackers. In the Goons frustration, they decided the best way forward was to try to get the Black Orcs to Run in TDs, but they were so bad at it that only Jaffa Bighorn managed a TD in all of the second half!
However some gains were made, and 80,000 gold pieces were taken home at the end of the game. Bouf has been running the boys through extra Drills and trying to best prepare the Squad for a clash with Team Fist! A Tie there will clinch the Squad into an appearance in the Dungeon, A loss will most likely pave the way for one of the DivB elf teams (the Maverick Renegades or Arthelium Hustlers) over both the Fist and the Goon Squad.
It also merits Special Mention that the Swinging Udders Cheer Squad has finally been funded by Goons Management. The Squad Fan base will be easily riled into a Frenzy with these lovely Orcish ladies leading the Team Song!
- Bouf
July 30th, 2008
Blitz, Blitz, Blitz!
Azgorh's Aftermath were totally frustrated by the Blitzing efforts of the Rockey Mountain Goon Squad. Although the match started out quite even, the Aftermath managed to crack a hole in the Goons Cage and slipped the ball free. An uncredited Hobgoblin had a breakaway and seemed in the clear. Even the Squad looked ready to concede the point late in the first and hope to play catch up in the 2nd…
That is until Biff Shatterjaws broke free from tight coverage and sprint for all he was worth to deliver a withering hit. The Aftermath were suddenly the ones on the back foot and coach McGinty could only shake his head with amazement. Without enough time to run one in, the first half ended 0-0
At the start of the 2nd, the Chaos Dwarves were feeling the pressure that the Goons placed so heavily upon them. The avalanche of blocks and the quality of the beating just proved too much for the Aftermath to bear. Midway through the 2nd Harry “Muff” Merkin touched down the game winner and the BigHats only had two Bulls, two Blockers and a Hob to battle against 9 Fresh and Fighting Goons. Every Goons Blitz effort downed a Slave of Azgorth, despite some weighty odds, and you could see the effect it was having painted on the faces of the CD players.
They did their best and after the crowd got involved, seemed poised to tie it up… Until Nazzhakh Silverbeard tripped over his own 4 feet. The Goons who were prepared for a tough Blitz didn’t even have to make an effort as the glorified cow went down hard.
Bouf had this to say ”Sticking to the main game plan would have been a smarter move as far as winning the game, but the Goons need to take a few risks in order to strengthen their +/- (and their chances of resisting a fisting).”
- Bouf
July 29th, 2008
Hustlers can hustle…
But they can’t hustle out of the Goons reach! The Squad gave them a proper dirty kicking and really enjoyed every minute. There were some real touch and go moments there where the Hustlers looked about ready to force a tie game, but the Goons showed the discipline and held it together. In the end it was another text book cage play and a 2-1 win for the Canucks.
That leaves all the scoring threats winless against the Goons and only the Team Fist stands in the Squads way to the RotGut.
Special mention for his performance against the Hustlers goes to Dr. Maddvibe how obviously didn’t appreciate the pre game hype that saw some punters tip his opponents. He waged a personal war and racked up a casualty hat trick while scoring the game winner and netting himself the Team MVP. At the moment he looks the favourite for the team captaincy when it is announced at the RotGut Invitational round…
Perhaps his first game as captain could win him a taste from the silver spoon?
- Bouf
July 25th, 2008
Text Book Victory
Complete & Total dominance! The Goons dismantled the DivB leaders, the Maverick Renegades, in an impressive display of power, control and heart. The Mavericks elected to receive the kick off and ran in a TD with out much delay, but that was the last time they were to touch the ball for the remainder of the game. Even with the Goons star thrower Chuck Dattaway injured in the opening drive, the Squad was never in any danger of losing the match.
The Renegades crashed into the White Clad Canucks like the Ocean on Rocks. And just like Rock, the Goons endured. Not a single blitz was levelled at the ball carrier and the Renegades never stood a prayer.
It was even mentioned after the match - by Coach Deano who has a victory against them – that the Goons are a better team than Team Fist.
Bouf refuses to comment at this time but rest assured that as Division B Leaders, the Goon Squad will eventually have to face the Fist.
- Bouf
July 23rd, 2008
Get Outta The Way!
The Goon Squad has been looking forward to a visit to the Dungeon since the BABBL started. RotGut has sweetened the pot by getting his hands on an new and improved Silver Spoon and the Canucks are determined to be the first to savour the flavour of glory.
They look good to lead the division early in the first open of the 3rd season but only Two teams stand in their way. The orcs of Team Fist and the high elves of the Maverick Renegades. Tomorrow the Squad looks to Goon the Renegades and a Victory there will slot the Canucks into the Division lead position. It can’t be overstated how important this win will be to clinching a visit to the Dungeon, and possibly the first Goons championship effort.
Jaffa Bighorn has made it his personal mission to lead his team to victory, despite a mediocre start to the season, Jaff has declared a personal War on the Maverick Renegades and gone so far as to single out the Lineman G-Fresh for ‘special attention’.
“We are going to hurt that bunch of pansies, Hurt the whole team! If they want to stand in our way, we’ll give them War! Red War! I can’t stand elves but that G-Fresh has a stupid name and if I can’t kill him, I’m certainly going to cripple him!”
Deano wasn’t available for comment but Blood Bowl Fans hope that the he and Bouf will stand the two rookie players off against each other from the opening whistle so we can see if the B.S. Walks or if the Money Talks.
- Bouf
July 16th, 2008
Goon Squad Undefeated!
The Squad went in against the Sanguine Lords of Gilead with Hopes pretty low. Coach bouf had predicted a loss but was determined to make a good show of it. He can be proud of his boys however. The Canucks did a sterling job of controlling the pace of the game and kept the Lords on the back foot for the entire match. The Rookie orcs just didn’t have the fundamental skills required to take home the win though...
Late in the first, the Goons seemed to be a sure thing to clap one down but some Lewd Manoeuvres by some rather stunning Gilliad fans distracted almost the entire team. Brick “The Man” Manor was almost totally overcome with lust and completely forgot to walk the game winning point in! In the 2nd half, the Goons managed to get the ball out from under opposition, but were tied up and dispossessed of the ball over and over. Leading to the BABBL’s first Regulation 0-0 tie.
The Goon Squad is still pretty happy with their over all performance on the pitch, even though they have struggled to show much development in training. They have still only suffered one casualty and have only given away three TDs in their first three games. They sit in 2nd place and are the only team to remain undefeated in Division B. To make up lost numbers, the Squad have hired the enigmatic Stromboli to take over the #3 jersey for the lost Coco Meatfist. When asked for his thoughts on the appointment, Stromboli had only this to say:
“Go Away”
- Bouf
July 9th, 2008
Lust for Blood Too Much
The Blood Suckers of Salem's Lot were Completely smashed last night, with the lions share of the Smashing done against the thralls… By the Vamps! The Goons Showed their stuff last night by fighting hard and Strong against a Classy opponent. They Struck down many a Pale Skinned Emo but didn’t suffer a single knockdown until the dying seconds of the first half. With the Long Toothed Psychos running about slaughtering their own team, it left very little for the Orcs to injure them selves. The low number of inflicted casualties directly reflect the Goons frustration at fighting an empty pitch.
In the dying seconds of the game, the Squad was up 4-1 but failed to even pick up the ball! The game could have easily ended 6-1 but for the ineptitude of the rookie blitzers.
The Fans in the largely Orcish crowd were so Angry at the missed opportunities that they ran riot after the game and Bouf was handed the Bill for the damages. With only 30K in winnings to show for it, the Goons walk away victorious but dead broke!
- Bouf
June 30th, 2008
Not the best start...
Alas, poor Coco Meatfist. Will you ever live up to your brother's reputation...
No, you wont. Your dead!
~
The Goons came out swinging but the River City Stallions came out swinging harder! Almost every downed Goon was hurt in some fashion. Credit where credit was due, we just didn't come to play tonight.
Failed ball handling plagued the Goons at every turn. The Stallions however didn't seem to have the same problems... We were out played in a fun and very even match up. If I was a statistician, I'd have commit suicide over some of the lucky/risky efforts by coach Trent that came up in the Humans favour.
The Goons did manage the Draw at the final whistle despite the Blizzard conditions and some mind boggling plays by the Stallions.
Now we are a Black Orc down and still no apoth will work for us. I suppose I'm going to have to break down and pay someone!
- Bouf
June 30th, 2008
Blood & Guts & Grease off the rod
The Goons have returned. The Hoodlums have been chosen. The Time is Now!
The much anticipated return of the Rocky Mountain Goon Squad has finally came to the BABBL. After a Tremendous Preseason effort, there is a huge pair of crusty shoes for the Goons to fill and they look to stick that boot squarely into the River City Stallions. With one game the Squad could silence the critics and Bouf says he is determined to make it so. So frightened are the opposition that the Goons have managed to garner a 100,000k bounty on Mr. Pińata Head and the Good, Bad & Rotting have even gone so far as to refuse to play them. All this before the Goons even take the field!
There is a lot of big talk at the moment, and strangely enough not from Bouf, but the money talks while the BS walks. Bouf Fans have pointed out that he has personally trained ALL of BABBLs Casualty Medal winners and shared the honour of all the leagues Most Kills Medals. He coached the league leading Casualty machine last season, and the runner up in Season one.
Time will tell if he can repeat this impressive and frightening performance…
Get out of they way, They Are Coming!
- Bouf
May 6th, 2008
The Goons are back!
Watch this space as details and player proflies trickle in...
Mr. Pińata Head
