With their coach Scalpifig departing for the frozen north, the House of Pain is retiring back to their music 'careers.'
However as a last ditch annoucement they are putting up two bounties for Season VI:
The first is 60,000 gp on the head of whichever player scores the winning touchdown in the Season VI RotGut Invitational. This should give people more incentive to destroy them.
The second is 50,000 gp on the player who has the most MVPs entering into Season VI. Once all teams are finalised into the season, this bounty shall be placed on the player with the most MVPs gained thus far.
No-one has more showmanship then the House of Pain and NO-ONE should be more rewarded in MVPs than our own Montell Jordan! The ladies and fans love him!
- Scalpifig
July 20th, 2009 - old news
SV-G03 "Fists of Fur-ry" Epilogue
*Found in the Bruuk Lun Times - Weekend Edition - Front Page*
HOUSE STILL STANDS
In a game of epic proportions, the House of Pain has regained their footing in their sprint for the RotGut. With a very interesting and exciting game against Plague City Ratskins, the House have shot back up the Division B table; with a strong position to challenge the two undefeated teams, Ashas Mad Mashas and La Sexorcisto AstroCreeps.
The rats of Plague City Ratskins tried their best but were overwhelmed by the offense of the House; with coach Bendragon praising the restorative powers of his bevy of Bloodweiser Babes on multiple occasions.
The game was all but assured until a gutter runner made a last ditch effort to blitz the House ball carrier near the endzone. Thanking his horned rat god, the gutter runner made the block adn caused the ball to fall into the crowd where it was thrown into an area with even dwarf and skaven control. If only the rest of the team could follow in the steps of this courageous gutter runner. Then the game could have ended quite differently.
In related news, after the news of a House win spread amongst the greater Bruuk Lunn district, riots broke out as women from all over the city rushed to be the one to break Montell Jordan's pledge of abstinence until the House had won. There are 12 confirmed deaths with 128 injuries, 4 are in serious condition in hospital.
- Scalpifig
July 14th, 2009 - old news
SV-G03 "Fists of Fur-ry" Prologue
Hello listeners. This is John Bores here on 4BK, the only OFFICIAL House of Pain radio station.
After their morale devastating loss against Ashas Mad Mashas last week, the House of Pain are looking forward to their next match against team id(pla). With head coach Scalpifig being a Skaven veteran he is rumoured to be rubbing his hands and cackling maliciously.
But one thing he has to watch out for is the 650,000 gold pieces in inducements the House is giving up. That's a lot of money and it could spell defeat for the dwarves when playing against the speed of the Gutter Runners.
Only time will tell if the House of pain will win and Montell Jordan will be back on the market. Ladies of all walks of life, including those of questionable nature being recruited by coach of the Ragnarök Blues Da Boyzz, are exciting looking to the next House win.
- Scalpifig
July 11th, 2009 - old news
SV-G02 "Green Tide" Epilogue
*Found in the Bruuk Lun Times - Weekend Edition - Page 23, Bottom Left corner*
House Collapses in Pressure Test
In their latest game the only Dwarven hope for BABBL's Season V lost in a frustrating game for both the players and fans. It left House head coach infuriated such that he left the stadium before the end of the match leaving his young protege Preincess the Outsider to manage the dying moments.
No-one was available for comment form the House coaching or management staff and premidonna, 'celebrity' Everlast, team captain of the House of Pain, was seen exiting the dressing rooms deep in conversation with his career manager, Boss Ton. A nearby fan believed "they were talking about something called options."
Despite outrage of the off-field team, team vice-captain and star player Montell Jordan gave this comment:
"We really let the coach down today. We should have won this one but at the end, we just collapsed. We also let ourselves down. Morale is low for sure but we'll bounce back, we always do.
But most importantly, we let the fans down. They have consistently flock to our matches to see our unique playstyle and flashy moves but our most recent match was bereft of that. It's no wonder many people have returned their supporter material.
But I promise to the public, the team and the coach I will make sure this team fulfills the destiny it is meant to have. The House of Pain WILL be be invited by Rotgut to his Dungeon match. And we WILL make it to the semi-finals of Season V. Because I won't rest until we do."
In a later press release from Montell Jordan's publicist, it was announced he would be celibate until the House of Pain wins a match. Then and only then would he feel the touch again of a woman.
This surprising saw a large uptake of House of Pain supporter gear, most notably ladies bras and briefs. Needless to say, it seems the fans are rallying behind the young, charasmatic star.
Hous of Pain lose 1-2. Full details of the match can be found in the Blood Bowl Local Competition section.
Marky Mark
