Deep in the cruel black heart of the earth lies a malicious hatred that knows no boundary. In these pits at the darkest corners of our world they play Blood Bowl for reasons other than fame and glory. The Underworld Overlords forge their underlings in a crucible of corruption and mutate them into horrific monsters.
Quake in terror mortal Fools, for you have gazed in wonder at your last dawn!
Who doesn’t love a controversy? Sports Fans, this is the Turkey Shoot and I’m your long absent host, Rex Manchild, bringing you the play-by-play on all the action as road correspondent for your next Favourite Blood Bowl team...
The Knoxville Turkeys!
What an interesting season this has shaped up to be! The organisers have been accused of rigging and taking bribes... Teams have threatened to leave... and BLOOD HAS SPILLED! This is easily the lost violent season in BABBL to date! Only sixteen games in (including two forfeits) and we’ve already hit the 100 casualty mark! Amazingly, more than 20% of that is held by two players!
Sabretooth Creed has been thrilling fans with his high impact hits and single handedly decimating the Asgard Raiders bench... followed quickly by the wholesale destruction of the Change Management defence.
Ahead of Creed however is Knoxville’s own "Knuckle Buster". While it’s been widely criticised that the Turks have had the pick of the litter by getting a double header against their rivals, the Johannesburg Cheetahs, it is in this reporters opinion that the “tale of the tape” would have been quite different if the Cheetahs had the upper hand in round 1.
Anyways... The Turkeys made the best of a good situation and ravaged the Cheetahs into submission in game one. With a full quarter left to play, the Cheetahs abandoned the pitch and steeled themselves for another drubbing. In the second game they faired much better (thanks to some liberal bribery) and even had the man advantage going into the tied 2-2 second half. But Knuckle Buster would have none of that. He went berserk and clotheslined each stunty he could get his hands on... I was reminded of the world famous Goblin Jockey Biff Shatterjaws and his meteoric rise to infamy! To compound the matter, the Turks went offside to clap down their sixth, then the Fans rioted and the Turks managed to bully the ref into allowing them a seventh.
On the back of these two victories, the Turkeys are pretty well a shoe in for RotGut VIII, but after last seasons Finals elimination, where the Turkeys basically defeated themselves... You won’t mind if I don’t count those eggs until they’re in the pudding. Bouf had this to say about Game 2:
B: “That second was easily the luckiest half of Blood Bowl I’ve ever coached. It’s such a shame that it will be forever tainted by the accusations of lesser men. I can’t wait for a chance to play a half like that in the future... Hopefully against CCC!”
RM: “Don’t you think you should have taken it easy after all the controversy from round 1?”
B: “What? Not you too Rex...? The Turks took advantage of the league rules. Da Boyzz was trying to do exactly the same, and if his team went as good as they have done in the past, not one tear would be shed for me.”
Well, when he’s right... he’s right! Thanks for listening and please “Keep Your Neck Off the Block”. I’m Rex Manchid
- Bouf
Aug. 25th, 2010
Turkeys fly again!
With a Heavy Axe did the coach and owners of the Knoxville Turkeys take to the Season VII roster! Barely a shadow of their former selves, the Turkey’s are back for a repeat season. Will the changes be too drastic to recover from? Will the Turks be able to repeat their Magic Performance from their inaugural season?
First on the old chopping block is Knoxville’s very own Arch-Rivals the Johannesburg Cheetahs. Better than that, amongst some controversy the Commissioner has announced that the “only fair thing to do” was to double up the Bloodshed by setting up back to back matches between the two teams! Many have cried foul, but bouf doesn’t seem to care.
“Were from the Underworld, why would you expect us to play fair?”
- Bouf
July 18th, 2010 - old news
You guys must be horrible
Knoxville finishes the season undefeated in regulation, Top of the points ladder (winning bouf his 3rd Commissioner's Choice Award) and on top of the casualty count (seven casualties ahead of the 2nd place team)
Who says Turkeys can't fly?
- Bouf
May 17th, 2010 - old news
Turkey Shoot - Game 5
Sometimes a Plan just comes together! Sports Fans this is the Turkey Shoot and I’m Rex Manchild bringing you the play-by-play on all the action as road correspondent for your next Favourite Blood Bowl team...
The Knoxville Turkeys!
The stars did align and the future was already written for Knoxville as they made the trip to the ‘Deep South’ to square off against the Swamp dwelling Cannibals of Cajun Critters. Knoxville went in as the underdogs but not by enough for league officials to line the coffers of their opposition. The Critters were a Saurus down for the match and even had two journeymen to weigh upon their training.
The Turkeys were also down a Goblin but still had a two man advantage, so if they could just get ahead in the violence or dirty play stakes, they’d have these “banjo playen’ inbred hillbillies” over the barrel. The Fans were finally out in vast numbers to see if the lightweight could wrestle down a man eating croc and the Turkeys had an advantage in the stands for the first time! Some claim that the Troll Loony Bin Jim and his new “shoulder blade” (which protrudes off his back and stands well over his head) was the draw card, certain that he’d gouge out a new handbag.
It was the blitzer Stan Shenanigans who kicked things off however, and he pimp-slapped one of the journeymen straight into the injury bin right off the starting whistle. When it came time for LBJ to start the slaughter, he just stood there... Chatting? The play moved around the scrum and when Great Gumbo had his chance to strike first he just stood there as well... Chatting. The two great lummox were locked in debate over lord knows what. The two coaches were screaming at the two but the graduate thesis they were discussing was far too interesting and each mighty player must have spent half the game deliberating.
In the Jupiter Spitvalve and Ecrevisse had things off to a grand start and each team had a round of injury time to finish off the half. The Turkeys were a little less confident that the Critters in the scrap so they decided to attempt a Fast Ball Special rather than leverage the Troll’s claws for more carnage. As mentioned, the fates had decided that the Turkeys would win long before the coin toss, so the Critters kicked the ball out of bounds in a hugely wayward kick and Mogg, Son of Gomm was given the ball and was flying down pitch in short order for the Turkey’s first One Turn TD!
They Critters injury time was uneventful and their offence was back in action for the 2nd half, behind 1-2. They faked the Turkeys with a switch back, going from left to right. But LBJ simply threw team missile ‘The Skudd’ over that way to compensate. The other goblins set to work organising a blitz on the runaway skinks and Team Captain ‘Dirty’ Lloyd Craven got in there to pop the ball free. The Skudd was off and unreachable. Knoxville was now up 3-1 and all looked set for an easy win.
The Critters knocked in another point with a fine cage tactic, and the Turks set back up with a few moments to wind down the game before celebrating. They set up their remaining players for a strong left side attack when the Critters called an audible and quickly reorganised before the kick. Then the ball sailed to the right and landed right on the sideline! Slick Armstrong was there to pick up, his handy extra hand at the ready but the ball was greasy with pig-fat and he dropped it. Knoxville was totally out of position and after Slick was blitzed off the field, the Turkeys saw the win just about to be snatched from under them. Desperate times called for desperate measures! With no Skaven players that could reach the skinks bearing down on the end zone, Coach Bouf sent in the Goblins and they swarmed the Critters offence. A blitz by relatibve newcomer Mr. Happy Heart landed with devastating efficiency and, with so many Goblins swarming the ball, the Critters desperately tried to regain it...
But the coverage was just too great!
Much like my coverage! Thanks for listening and please “Keep Your Neck Off the Block”. I’m Rex Manchild.
Sabretooth Creed
