At the foothills of the Rockies there is no room for softness. Only the Hard and the Strong may call them selves Canadian. Only the Hard… Only the Strong… These Orcs are an Unstoppable Force and an Immovable Object. All will be swept from their path, or buried in their passing. You will find no shelter, You cannot hide.
Casualty Ratio : +129 ~ TD Ratio : +41 Shutouts: 22 ~ Times Shutout: 8 Opponents Killed : 24 ~ Players Lost : 4
Bulletin board from the coach
May 9th, 2009 - old news
Goons Advance
The Rocky Mountain Goon Squad has advanced to the Semi Finals after a brutal underhanded match up against the Air Heads. The Ref was an obvious Goons fan as he ejected one poor snotling for a stunning kick on “The Incredible Bulk” but allowed Andy Pipkin to foul 12 times without so much as a warning.
The Ogres suffered 2 Casualties and a Knock out to Andy's boot heels and the ref even applauded a little silent golf clap to him for crippling Randal Graves.
This was a finals game won through the Dirtiest of tactics... Showing that Bouf is indeed prepared to do anything to take home his first BABBL trophy!
- Bouf
Mar. 5th, 2009 - old news
Win Streak Over
The Goons lost the RotGut IV in a very close match that very nearly went in their way. A dirty Intercept was what stole the game and the win away. It was a grueling match up for all teams involved but the Goons looked great all match. Inflicting a massive 7 casualties (out of the 13 inflicted all match) the Goons looked as though they were purpose built for Dungeon Bowl.
The Thunderhawks scored the winning touch down in the Goons end zone mainly due to the ineptitude of the other teams involved. Had the Glenlivet Gladiators stopped bogging up he middle of the pitch and allowed some players to assist with the Goons Defence, or if CCC Warrior Vincent Vivisection had blitzed an Elf rather than Biff, the game may have lasted a few more turns and seen a different result.
(In fact the Goons have announced a 60K bounty for the head of Vincent Vivisection)
"Blame lands squarely with the two rookie teams... They don't have HEART. They'd rather cry and hide and let someone else have the glory! Spineless Plebs" Bouf was quoted to say...
~//~
All is not lost however.
the Goons are happy with their performance, despite cruelling their attempt to beat the 12 game win streak, and are right on track to meet all their Season IV goals.
"We have a few knocked off already. "Play in the DB match... Check "Win the Rising Star Award... Check. "Now all we need to do is advance to the semi finals and we're right where we want to be. We wanted to take home the Spoon but it wasn't our primary goal. In the end it's all about the BABBL Bowl!"
Biff Shatterjaws was the recipient of the 'Rising Star Award' and rightly so. He has topped all the current 'End of Season' Casualty records and has only played 9 games! His 23 casualties have earned him quite a reputation. So far he leads the Season in SPPs, Casualties and Kills. In only 1.5 seasons he also had taken the League Kills Record away from Sterling Silver (who played 3 seasons with GB&R. Biff is also only four casualties from taking away the League Casualties Record!
He was the star of the RotGut IV with some pretty amazing plays, a Casualty Hat trick (all Serious injuries) and an MVP. Such is his ability that he will likely be the first player to get into the BABBL Hall of Fame... Assuming that he can survive to that long!!!
- Bouf
Feb. 19th, 2009 - old news
Perfect Season (So far)
The Goons were up against the Seven Deadly Sins last night and bouf couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable... The Changeling was hospitable, friendly and offered fine conversation and an enjoyable game... but something was missing. It all started when Biff Shatterjaws killed the Sins extra agile beastman (Pride). The Apo ran onto the pitch and saved his life but the clothesline was devastating, and nearly decapitating. Pride just won't be the same...
There was a mood change... a sudden lack of frivolity. No longer was there cheers and jeers. More of a defeated sigh and the odd whimper.
At the end of the match, after the butchers bill was paid, Changeling smiled again and shouted across the pitch "At least I don't have to play you any more!"
It almost broke bouf's heart to tell him that they could play twice more in the late season... Almost!
~
This game marked the end of the Early season for the Goons. They have managed a perfect track record and won every game so far, finishing 8-0-0. Only one other team in BABBL history has managed to accomplish the Perfect Open, the Treesburg Roosters. The Goon Squad played a few easier matches and a few that were quite awful.
Against Uncle Crusty's Circus the Goons only managed a win after a major mistake by his opponent, Against Sharman's Bloodletters the Goons almost coughed up the win after some amazing efforts by the bloods, Against Air Heads and Sin Bin Pylons the Goons almost drew each game thanks to unpredictable and wild antics,
Now bouf has his longest win streak and he has set his eyes on the record held by the Good, Bad & Rotting. To beat that however, he needs to win the RotGut invitational!
- Bouf
Feb. 11th, 2009 - old news
Sorry you're leaving...
It's a sad day in the Goon Squad camp today. With the recent and tragic injury of Mr. Piñata Head in our last appearance against the Thunderhawks (where he forgot to keep breathing and fell upon Phil Weston, catching a nasty helmet spike under his ribs) the Goons Management have decided to let him go.
A favorite amongst the fans and team members alike, Mr. Head will be truly and sadly missed on the line of scrimmage and in the locker room. It is understood that Dickie Snapples is unconsolable and wrought with grief.
Bouf had the following comments: "Were losing a family member here. Mr. Piñata Head is a Divisional Champion, a veteran of two championship attempts, and a member of the Hoodlum's Dozen. He has been stalwart in his efforts to overcome his natural stupidity and had won us some tricky matches. I'm really sorry to se him go..."
On a good note however the Goons totally and completely embarrassed the Thunderhawks by shutting them out and injuring their best players. The 3-0 score is the best differential the Goons have managed this season, and against the biggest scoring threat in DivA. Little, if anything, stands in their way to the RotGut Invitational now!
“The Incredible Bulk”
